In the shadows...

 It's been a few days since I blogged last. There have been some shifts since then. It is amazing the way my life has been changing. It isn't so much that things around me have changed...my perception has changed and that seems to make all the difference. Financially I am struggling. I worry about when then next bill comes up because I'm not sure where the money to pay for it will come from but I have noticed that a funny thing will happen...someone will buy a piece of art I have created or someone will schedule a reiki session and I find myself able to meet my obligations. I am learning to trust the process  in a way that I never have before.
During those times when I am most "unsure",  I am finding that there is a voice within that guides me. She has always been with me although I have not always chosen to listen. She is wise and self assured. She understands the cycles of life and death and does not fear them for she knows that death is just as much a gift as life. She knows that death leads to transformation and renewal. She understands the connection between herself and the earth, for She and the Earth are one. This voice within reminds me that the only way to get through is to be in the moment, something I struggle with daily, but She is consistent and this helps me when I project too far into the future.
I don't think that I would have ever connected with her had it not been for the dark moments in my life; the times when I feel as if I will be swallowed up by my shadow. I'm thinking there wouldn't have been any reason to. Just a few days ago I wrote about the old wounds  that had begun to surface, wounds that I really did believe I had tended. And I did, but I am realizing that it is done in layers and I was being called to peel back the next one.
I am incredibly grateful I cooperated with the call. In doing so I realized, on a deeper level,  that my shadow parts are not necessarily "bad". They are just parts of myself unknown to me, in the dark. I now know my shadow contains my un-lived life; all of my unused potential and magic. I know that I will be called to go deeper once again, to reclaim the lost pieces of myself,  to bless the ghosts of my past and send them on their way.  I know that it will be painful and things I see that I will not understand or even wish to know but I also know that I will discover the best parts of myself. ~munay